


now would you hate me if i said goodbye, so quick you could eat my dust?

by AspenRoman



Series: tyzula one shots [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Modern AU, maiko in the background
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:41:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24782476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AspenRoman/pseuds/AspenRoman
Summary: azula loves her, but ty lee still leaves, still disappears in the middle of the night with no warning or anything.akasnippets of azula's life as she dwells on love lost and love that never got the chance to grow, all set to joji's song "attention"
Relationships: Azula & Ty Lee (Avatar), Azula/Ty Lee (Avatar)
Series: tyzula one shots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1937983
Comments: 21
Kudos: 159





	now would you hate me if i said goodbye, so quick you could eat my dust?

**_Girl, would it kill you just to throw a little bit of attention?_ **

Azula has never been super affectionate, in fact she shies away from most physical contact, but she tries for Ty Lee. They're definitely not as hands-on as Zuko and their best friend Mai, but Ty Lee usually finds a way to touch her girlfriend, whether it be with a hand on the back or with their fingers intertwined. And while Azula doesn't usually initiate anything, Ty Lee likes to think that her girlfriend doesn't hate the contact, from the way Azula is never the first to pull away. Of course, Ty Lee would've preferred to be as close to her girl as possible, she knows Azula isn't comfortable with that and saves that for when they're alone. There's a little nagging in her heart, that tells her she wants more though, more than Azula is willing to give right now.

**_If I hurt you, I'm afraid God's gonna teach me a lesson_ **

To be honest, Azula doesn't really understand love. She's never understood it or tried to, not since the day her mother tucked her in for the last time and left. When she asked her father about it, he never gave a straightforward answer and instead pressured her to do better in school. She's always been more logical and analytical, that's why she's at the top of her class. Of course, sometimes she doesn't get the jokes people say or laugh at the right moments, but she tries. And when she kisses Ty Lee, her best friend of twelve years, her chest fills with tingles and Azula doesn't understand why such a physical act makes her body react so much. She finds she doesn't hate it though, in fact she wants to learn more.

Azula is about to graduate high school and may not understand why sometimes her girlfriend looks at her with such sad eyes, but she tries. She doesn't really get all of her complaints or her problems, but she listens as best as she can because while she may not understand love, she knows she cares about Ty Lee more than she cares about anyone else. And for her, that is enough.

**_Now would you hate me if I said goodbye, so quick you could eat my dust?_ **

They have their first fight, well first _real_ fight, about where to eat dinner. Azula wants to go to the place they always go, while Ty Lee wants to go someplace new. And Azula is already in the new outfit Ty Lee made her wear but Ty Lee starts yelling about how they always do whatever Azula wants, and Ty Lee never gets a say. Azula apologizes, she knows that if someone is yelling at her she must've done something wrong, but it only seems to make Ty Lee angrier. With a few choice words, Ty Lee gets out of the car and starts to walk back to her house. The brunette knows she can't just let her girlfriend walk home in the middle of the night but she refuses to get back into the car so Azula drives beside her the whole way there. Ty Lee enters her house without a goodbye and for some reason, it makes Azula's chest hurt.

**_Now would you hate me if I ran like hell, in the wind from dawn 'til dusk?_ **

They begin to fight more in the weeks leading up to graduation, either Ty Lee is tired of Azula's attitude or Azula is tired of Ty Lee complaining or this or that. Neither person officially calls it off, and they try to ignore the obvious cracks in their relationship. Even her dumb brother, Zuko, realizes something is wrong and asks Azula about it, who simply brushes him off. They were never really close, their family didn't talk about their feelings and that was that. Her grades slip a little, and Azula starts to ignore Ty Lee's texts in favor of school work. They stop talking outside of school.

When graduation rolls around, the ceremony itself is less exciting than Azula had hoped. The party at Mai's though, makes up for it. Azula gets plastered and her and Ty Lee manage to find their way to each other through the chaos. They don't exchange many words but they're quickly attached at the lips and make their way to the room Mai had set aside for them. They haven't talked in weeks but as fleeting touches become more heated, Azula thinks maybe this is love, maybe this is all she can give Ty Lee, but to her it is love. And so she trails kisses down her neck and down her sternum and Ty Lee giggles and buries her hand in her hair. They both don't know what they're doing, but they clumsily figure out what to do. That night, drunk off of love and the feeling of being alive, they lose their virginity to each other and Azula whispers "I love you"'s into Ty Lee's skin, who in turn pretends she doesn't hear the admission.

By the time the sun rises, Ty Lee is gone and Azula wakes to a cold bed, as if everything was one dream.

**_When you cry, you waste your time over boys you never liked, can you not be so obvious?_ **

Azula doesn't cry.

She doesn't cry when her mother leaves, not when her dog dies, and certainly not when her first girlfriend leaves in the middle of the night.

Except, Azula always lies.

And she sobs the next day, locked away in her room until she runs out of tears. Her chest keeps heaving, even though her body cannot produce anymore tears and her eyes get puffy as blood vessels burst around her eyes. Her hands shake as she stares at herself in the mirror, wondering what she did so wrong that made two of the most important people in her life leave her, all without a simple goodbye.

Maybe it's just her. Maybe she's the problem.

Maybe.

_**So keep it light, keep it light, no**._

Mai comes around a few days later, and they watch dumb action movies until Azula's eyes feel like they're going to bleed. They don't talk much, they never really talked much, Ty Lee was the glue holding their trio together. Still, as Mai complains about the ladies that messed up her nails, Azula is thankful for the distraction. She thinks that Mai is a good friend, better than she ever gave the girl credit for.

She doesn't dare say that though, of course not.

**_I thought I'd vocalize my troubles, but nobody will listen._ **

Nightmares start to haunt her, both of her mother and her ex-girlfriend. They're not exactly gruesome dreams, but they terrify her nonetheless. It seems her subconscious is attacking itself and bringing out her worst fears. Azula has never been good at compartmentalizing her feelings and she is feeling so much, but has no way to voice her anger and her hatred for all the people who left her behind. One night in particular, she wakes up shaking with rage, because anger is easier than the truth. She starts pacing but the pacing turns frantic and as she looks at herself in the mirror, she hates the mess she sees and she lashes out.

Five minutes later, Zuko finds her on the floor with blood running down her hand and shards of glass in her knuckles. Her shoulders shake with silent sobs as she stares at him and he simply gazes back in horror.

"Why wasn't it enough? Why?" Azula cries.

Zuko finds himself holding his breath, "What wasn't enough?"

"My love."

**_I know I'm cryptic and I'm weird, that shit comes off as indifferent._ **

Love is the opposite of logic, and Azula thinks that's why she's so awful at it. Love is blindly trusting someone to be there for you, no matter your past. Love is fighting your fears, and it's not the act of being fearless, it's being courageous in the fact of that. Love is a choice, not an emotion and Azula hates how much it hurts her. She is not weak and she is not some broken fool, because trust is for fools and she finds that she has given too much of it away. So, she closes her heart off and tries to hide the Ty Lee-shaped hole that's left in there with vicious smirks and cutting wit. It works, to an extent.

But the madness inside of her head is not so easily pushed away.

**_I don't wanna die so young, got so much to do._ **

When her car wraps itself around a telephone pole, Azula finds herself terrified. It's not like she exactly intended to crash her car, nor did she want to hurt herself, but she didn't exactly do anything to stop it. It was like she was a passenger and someone else controlled the car. But Azula, Azula who is now twenty-two and buries her feelings six feet under the ground, finds herself scared to die. And upon impact, all she feels is pain and all she smells is smoke. She loves the color red, but as it drips down her forehead and onto her hands, she finds it repulsing. As her eyes flutter close, she wonders what Ty Lee would think if she saw her now.

She wakes up in the hospital with a concussion and a broken arm, and Zuko hugs her so tightly she thinks he might break her ribs too. Azula thinks she even sees a flash of pink, but it must be her imagination because when she blinks, it's gone.

Her recovery is slow, but she has nothing else to do and she finds it gives her time to meditate, to think, and she even starts seeing a therapist. Slowly but surely, the weeds in her mind are pulled and the flowers start to grow again.

_**I don't smile for the camera, only smile for you, smile for you.** _

Azula sees Ty Lee for the first time in ten years at Mai and Zuko's wedding, a needlessly elaborate affair that she finds herself surprisingly enjoying. She's grown taller and still flutters around like an excited firefly. Her toothy smile makes her look much younger, but there are wrinkles on her forehead and small ones forming around her mouth. She looks happy, and if Azula knows anything about love now, she knows that if Ty Lee is happy, then she can push her stupid feelings aside for the night. They make awkward eye contact as Mai walks down the aisle and Ty Lee sends her a nervous smile. Azula merely nods in response, but it's not like she's trying to set Ty Lee on fire or scream at her, so she thinks it's good enough.

When Mai and Zuko leave the altar together, Azula cannot help the small smile on her lips as she watches them. Again, she makes eye contact with Ty Lee whose eyes look watery and her smile a little shaky. They lock eyes and Azula smiles at her, and Ty Lee bursts into tears and for the life of her, Azula cannot understand why.

_**Now would you hate me if I said goodbye, so quick you could eat my dust?**_

"Hi, Azula," Ty Lee joins her in the corner of the reception, one hand holding a drink and the other anxiously fiddling with her necklace.

Azula nods in greeting and takes a sip from her cup, she's going to need another drink to deal with old memories and reunions. To be honest, she hadn't even known Mai and Ty Lee kept in touch after so long, but it makes sense. A flame of anger flickers in her chest, about how Mai still had Ty Lee's new number and address and refused to give them to Azula, but she snuffs it as soon as it starts burning. She can't think like that, not tonight.

"How have you been?" Ty Lee asks.

"You don't need to make mindless conversation, we don't even have to speak if you don't want to," Azula picks at her nails nonchalantly, "we haven't talked in the last ten years, no reason to suddenly start today."

Ty Lee bites her lip, "To be honest, I came over here because I missed you. And I know I'm awful and I completely messed up, but I wanted to apologize."

"You had ten years to do that," Azula scoffs.

"I know but, I don't know. I'm a coward, okay? And I knew I was leaving but I didn't know how to bring it up and so I just ran," Ty Lee says.

"Seems like we have something in common then," Azula says, teeth bared more in a snarl than a smile, "goodbye, Ty Lee."

Ty Lee grabs her arm, but Azula slips out of her grasp and onto the dance floor, where the girl loses her former love in the throng of bodies. And this time, Ty Lee is the one being left behind and her heart aches in the golden cage she's built for it.

**_Now would you hate me if I ran like hell, in the wind from dawn 'til dusk?_ **

**Author's Note:**

> hi this story is a little one-shot inspired by the song "attention" by joji. i wanted to take a break from the longer stuff im working on to do something smaller. let me know what you guys think:)


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